I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
