i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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