you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
