I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
