She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
