I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He shit in the fireplace
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