bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How naked do you want me to be?
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