We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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