anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
