What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
