You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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