please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
