he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
