Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
