I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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