Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
