I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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