I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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