the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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