Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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