it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
