PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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