your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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