We're facebook friends in real life
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
