I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
