Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
