Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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