I have demons in me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
