There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sober January is a disaster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
