You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
