omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
