It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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