Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
