i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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