Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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