Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.