he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
