apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.