dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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