I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.