The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals