I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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