roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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