He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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