well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
