Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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