I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
