weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do herpes really smell.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
