and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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