You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
