I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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