the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
