i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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