What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
