dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
