My room smells like vodka and shame
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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