Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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