you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
