in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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