we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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