Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
