I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
