In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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