just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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