Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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