drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize